Wiggy Launches his First Ever Phone App...

…and he ain't 'alf 'appy

Without the need for an flamboyant introduction with dancing girls, shooting canons, a barking dog, a juggling racoon and a neon sign that reads "Wahoo", Wiggy tried to announce the arrival of the first ever Wiggy Phone App at the pre-launch launch.

The following infrequently asked questions were raised infrequently by potential and yet infrequent app people (appees) at the App Conference for Interested Members

HOW MUCH DOES IT COST?
It's 100% FREE... 200% in fact...

YOU SAY IT'S FREE, BUT I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
Yes it really is FREE...

ARE YOU SURE IT'S FREE?
Yes, it costs you nothing, zippo, ziltch...
No small print exclusion or hidden agendas...
We're not even asking for a donation!

SO IT'S TOTALLY FREE?
Yes

EXCUSE ME, DO YOU KNOW A KEITH WHO LIVES IN SUNDERLAND?
No, but I know a Keith who lives in Birmingham. Try Him.

WHERE CAN I GET THIS "FREE" APP?
Please remove those quotations around FREE, it's genuinely free...

SORRY, WHERE CAN I GET THIS FREE APP?
That's better... It's already on your phone. We transferred it there using WTTP (Patent Pending) when you first switched on your phone.

BUT WHAT IF I DIDN'T WANT IT ON MY PHONE?
Well, you agreed to receive it by switching on your phone. It was your choice.

MY CHOICE?
Yes, your choice. Like you chose to receive your daily experiences by getting out of bed!

WHAT IS WTTP ANYWAY?
It's a new method for downloading Apps to phone - Wiggy patent pending

WHAT DOES WTTP STAND FOR?
Wiggy's Telepathic Transfer Protocol

EXCUSE ME, DO YOU KNOW A KEITH WHO LIVES IN BIRMINGHAM?
Yes, but I think he moved to Sunderland recently.

WHAT DOES THIS APP DO?
You're the first person to ask this... have a free pen.

THANKS, BUT YOU DIDN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION... WHAT DOES THIS APP DO?
Sorry that's already been asked, I'm afraid you can't have a pen.

NO REALLY WHAT DOES IT DO?
Oh, sorry madam I didn't recognise you with your beard on.
Well the app seamlessly blends in to your phone... almost camouflaged you could say.
Yet it affects all apps and functions you currently have on your phone.

MMM…THAT SOUNDS INTERESTING.
Yes, the amazing thing about this app is that you've always had it there. The difference is now that Wiggy wants to make you aware of it.

OK...HOW COME I HAVEN'T NOTICED IT?
Well you wouldn’t notice it, it's just other people who notice it whilst you utilise your phone. You see the app we developed transforms you from a normal considerate human being, into a dawdling idiot whilst you use your phone in the public arena.
It’s of particular effectiveness in thin footpaths or crowded rush hour railway platforms.
It means that whilst using your phone, you will walk slowly, zig zag and genuinely get in everybody’s way - unless of course they too are using the same app.

THIS SOUNDS DREADFUL...I DON'T WANT THIS. HOW DO I REMOVE THIS APP?
Speak to Keith… He lives in Sunderland.