Facebook Status

Are you bored with your normal Facebook status?

Do you long for an interesting status, but lack the mental capacity to invent your own?
Do your friends often ignore your Facebook updates?
Do you feel unloved and in need of attention?
Are you tired of having to buy a new car, buy a puppy or drop a kid before they’ll comment?

Then why not follow our prescription for Facebook status’… post one a day in the following order:

“…is punctuating the unstoppable sentence”
“…is bouncing a bag of oranges inside a balloon”
“…is a preventing enthusiastic vineyard overrunning the highways”
“…is sanding down the square peg until it’s too small for the hole”
“…is purchasing a new tent to live under the stairs in”
“…is positioned to fluctuate with the feather”
“…is perplexed by the accountability of penguins”
“…is frantically Goggling for enfettering sandwiches”
“…is skimming a scotch pancake across the loch”
“…is lightening the Jurassic pledge”
“…is carrying the nomadic preposition until it’s disqualified”
“…is using a pogo stick to pick high hanging fruit”
“…is generating concoctions to wash away the tea cups”
“…is suppressing the megalomaniac tendency in the ant community”
“…is considering Mr Dyas’ parasol”
“…is admiring the visual monstrosity of mud flaps”
“…is trapped in time between separate night vision”
“…is watching the radio as there’s nothing on the fridge”
“…is perplexed at the interest rate on a club biscuit”
“…is putting a ritz cracker in the telephone booth”
“…has be overrun by megalomaniac ants”
“…is singing until the light bulb changes its beliefs”
“…is infected with a one time itch”
“…is beginning to believe what he reads in the papers is all black and white”
“…has opened a coconut shaving and grating factory”
“…is reviewing the theory of opportunistic column snatching”
“…is condensing a boiled sweet”
“…is facilitating the memorandum of generational hair gain”
“…is mingling with the monster munch”
“…has yet to find a bald man who has never eaten a banana”
“…has a new plan for the megalomania ants”
“…is calmer now the apple tree is indoors”
“…is calculating the time the aliens have before the megalomaniac ants get them”
“…is running away from the invisible man”
“…is illuminating the cress as it grows sideways”
“…is sticking moss on the rolling stones”
“…is bouncing a sponge pudding in custard”
“…is weighing a pound of pears and a pair of pounds”
“…is washing the pavement before bedtime”
“…is listening to a tree fall in an empty forest”
“…is repulsed by the smell of cheesy wotzits on his pet dingo’s paws”
“…is struggling to find the right size bottle brush”