It is the opinion of a certain wigster that most romantic novels are tripe and need updating to reflect modern romances, he suggests the following:
The Shrapnel Affair - Shrapnel is a 13 years girl who falls for the ways of a birberry baseball cap wearing lad, 3 months later she's pregnant, single and on an ASBO. He joins the forces but never gets posted overseas. In a final bizarre twist a grenade goes off in the barracks and he narrowly misses getting injured by shrapnel.
The love triangle - Kanetta is a 21 year old woman who has previously met her dream man on two occasions and mothered their children. She's now living in a high-rise council flat, dumped again and trying to beat a drum and bass addiction. Then she meets an Sunderland man who prefers house and garage. Together they try to find a percussive instrument in common but never find it. They settle on a tambourine but are never quite content.
You're only human - Brucetta is an Italian masterpiece, all the men adore her and she has any man she wants. Then she meets a man that shows no interest in her and she becomes obsessed... laughing at his jokes, flicking back her hair and wearing even shorter skirts. She eventually finds out he's gay, blind and deaf.
The lady in the lake - Spearmint is a 37 year old female who used to be a male. She longs for a relationship but no guy is interested because of the beard. Tragically she continues to spend more than she earns in the lakeside shopping centre.
The ugly ducking - Invigorance is a lady who has been hit with the ugly stick, every night she puts on her lippy and prowls the streets only to return home alone. A heart warming story of survival in a male dominated society which values form over substance. She never turns into a swan.
Withering Heights - A very tall man suffers the indignity of shrinking to normal size. He is featured on a channel 4 documentary about strange medical cases and briefly attracts the wrong sort of attention from the tabloid media.
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