Tales from Plot 55, The Street Allotments. Part II


Good day once again from me Lord Blower of Lowershire. You know there's a lot of veg out there, and I know all their names.



Here I am in my pumpkin boat feeling contented.




Before anything else it's time to reveal another candidate for our 'Vegetable Hall of Fame' (VHOF) competition.



Each week we will show you a new vegetable and at the end of the series, you the public will select which one will be enrolled into the VHOF. A special ceremony will then take place at the Savoy (Cabbage - ho ho) Hotel with lots of people from the vegetable community in attendance, including Bob Flowerduw and Alan Titsmarch*.

This week, please put your hands together for the humble Kohlrabi.



Blower's Veg Facts: This vegetable is a member of the turnip family and, for that reason, is also called cabbage turnip. Like the turnip, both its purple-tinged, white bulblike stem and its greens are edible. The kohlrabi bulb tastes like a mild, sweet turnip. Those under 3 inches in diameter are the most tender. Choose a kohlrabi that is heavy for its size with firm, deeply coloured green leaves.

It's been an eventful week in the world of veg. Significantly, since I published last week's update I have become a Lord. Also, I've had at least one person stop me in the street and say 'Hey Blower, I liked that piece you wrote on alternative lifestyles". I had to ask him at that point whether he meant my organic crusade or my recent article for a special interest magazine about cross dressing. I also felt it necessary to pedantically point out I am now a self appointed Lord, and in future should be addressed as such.

Acknowledging my newly acquired title, he confirmed he meant the gardening, and went on to tell me that he and Mrs Lambpie have put their names down on the list for an allotment in the historic county town of Hertford, Hertfordshire. Nice work Lambpie - we look forward to veg updates from the Hertfordshire Lottie Posse in future editions.

While I'm here, I want to put the record straight following the publishing of the following misleading article in the Kent Messenger Maidstone East edition

"In a bid to take over Bearsted by stealth, 39 year old Wine making guru Blower Lower aka 'SABL' aka 'NorbertD' announced this morning that he has acquired another allotment plot opposite the Bearsted WI Halls." **

The plot isn't opposite the WI Halls. It's diagonally opposite. I wish people would get their facts right. Poor Mrs Blower followed these directions and ended up in the living room of Number 76 Ware Street. Fortunately, the occupants, a Mr & Mrs Chard will not be pressing charges as we sweetened them with a complimentary organic veg box containing spuds.

Now, I promised last week that we would take a trip inside my tool shed, and take a trip we shall.

Let's open the door and randomly select this week's 'Tool of the week' - SABL shuts eyes and extends a tanned hairy arm into the bowels of... Dennis!?
Ooops that's Dennis having a rummage about looking for his fish nets - it used to be his shed you see but he kindly gave it to me. Incidentally the fishnets are used to protect his fruit...

Anyway back to this week's 'Tool of the week' , drum role please TGC (that's The Grey Cardigan on the skins folks, earning a bit of pocket money to pay off his hair gel bills')

and it is one of these...



and the winner is the one on the left. I have no idea what it is called but it is extremely useful to disable a thief intent on stealing your prize veg.

Next week in part 3, what to wear to impress your lottie neighbours...

Until next week, may your seeds grow with you

Lord Blower

* Two guys I met on a pub crawl, and not the BBC presenters.
** We have no idea why this man has so many aliases, but he does so just get used to it.