An idea for a film about pirates
In a small town on the outskirts of London lived Kevin, a middle aged, middle of the road guy.
Kevin was nothing special, but as he completed another day working for Westminster Bank he paused to consider whether others knew he was a mighty pirate.
There were no give away signs, no eye patch, no wooden leg and no treasure map. To the rest of the world he was an everyday man, well apart from his ribbon tied pony tail.
Kevin was no ordinary pirate for he'd never been to sea, never owned a ship and he was even allergic to parrots. Despite all of this it was a mighty pirate that Kevin was born to be.
Kevin climbed in to his vessel of choice, a red fiat uno and made his escape after another uneventful day to fulfil his pirate fantasy as one of the Pirates of the Caravan Site.
(Film rights for "Pirates of the Caravan Site" to be negotiated with Dark Chickens).
Wednesday, 4 July 2007
Post Office Rant
Lunchtime at the post office
There are some services for which you must visit the post office in the uk. People with jobs have to quickly leave work at lunchtime and join a queue which is so long it makes them late getting back. The Goat understands that post office staff like lunchtime off too. Maybe that's why there is only one cashier to serve forty people.
Today, he had mostly pensioners in front of him who were grumbling about the queue.
"Whatever time you come, it's the same" they all said repeatedly.
"Well then why don't you all avoid lunch time?" he screamed (silently).
There are some services for which you must visit the post office in the uk. People with jobs have to quickly leave work at lunchtime and join a queue which is so long it makes them late getting back. The Goat understands that post office staff like lunchtime off too. Maybe that's why there is only one cashier to serve forty people.
Today, he had mostly pensioners in front of him who were grumbling about the queue.
"Whatever time you come, it's the same" they all said repeatedly.
"Well then why don't you all avoid lunch time?" he screamed (silently).
Public Notice - Limited Distribution
Important Email (possibly)
I received this email from Dark Chickens. I won't pretend to understand it, but it is published here in case it is important.
"It is with tremendous joy, delight and excitement that I announce my trouser pockets have been fully signed off by the tailor and are now free to take heavy loads such as conkers, Swiss army knives and post cold/flu handkerchiefs.
To celebrate this good news I have decided to give my trousers the day off and as such they are currently travelling to Brighton.
Don't take life too seriously regards,
Mr D Chickens."
I received this email from Dark Chickens. I won't pretend to understand it, but it is published here in case it is important.
"It is with tremendous joy, delight and excitement that I announce my trouser pockets have been fully signed off by the tailor and are now free to take heavy loads such as conkers, Swiss army knives and post cold/flu handkerchiefs.
To celebrate this good news I have decided to give my trousers the day off and as such they are currently travelling to Brighton.
Don't take life too seriously regards,
Mr D Chickens."
Merchandise
Get your bonus points here
It has been stated that extra wig points are available if you 'do a wiggy' with official merchandise.
A number* of people have enquired about the merchandise with a view to purchasing it. We expect that this is so that they can amass points for this years championship.
To clarify, the below is not a pair of glasses. It is the layout for our official wiggy mug.
To prove it, here are a few mugshots of the finished article.
* The number is 0.
Just because the top is red
Fruit Yoghurt
I have just called Sainsburys to congratulate them on managing to make a black cherry yoghurt with brambles and apple. They were pleased that I called. So pleased that they are going to send me a voucher for £2.
I feel like this is the equivalent of a bronze award and I'm very happy with it.
I know you'll want the full details...
They didn't ask for a receipt, but they wanted to know whether I still had the packaging so that they could get the barcode number and use before date.
There were two whole brambles and three individual juicy bits. I didn't count the apple bits, but I think it was a normal ratio of Bramble:Apple as the quantities didn't seem unusual. The colour was purple, I was fooled into thinking it was black cherry when I opened the carton.
It reminds me of my favourite poem:
Just because
The top is red
Doesn't mean
The pen won't write in blue
Wigsters comments
Dark Chickens: "Wordsworth would be turning in his grave"
NorbertD: "I didn't realise he was a carpenter"
I have just called Sainsburys to congratulate them on managing to make a black cherry yoghurt with brambles and apple. They were pleased that I called. So pleased that they are going to send me a voucher for £2.
I feel like this is the equivalent of a bronze award and I'm very happy with it.
I know you'll want the full details...
They didn't ask for a receipt, but they wanted to know whether I still had the packaging so that they could get the barcode number and use before date.
There were two whole brambles and three individual juicy bits. I didn't count the apple bits, but I think it was a normal ratio of Bramble:Apple as the quantities didn't seem unusual. The colour was purple, I was fooled into thinking it was black cherry when I opened the carton.
It reminds me of my favourite poem:
Just because
The top is red
Doesn't mean
The pen won't write in blue
Wigsters comments
Dark Chickens: "Wordsworth would be turning in his grave"
NorbertD: "I didn't realise he was a carpenter"
Writers block
A Novel Idea...
If you are a writer, and need to start a new book or chapter you might struggle. Sometimes, the words and ideas just won't flow. This phenomenon is called writers block.
Here are a few opening sentences that you can use to get you started:
1) His trousers left little to the imagination as you could clearly see his legs.
2) "I'm beginning to see a pattern here and it isn't tartan" said super sleuth Sam Sputnick.
3) The bumpy curvy thing in the mirror was called Dorothy.
4) As he sat in his fine Milan leather armchair, with the standing lamp illumunating his cap, he began to ponder.
5) His invisible freind was taunting him about his need for a haircut.
6) The girl with the squeakiest name put up her hand.
7) I wandered along a deserted beach, the sea laden wind leaving me bereft of my sense of normality.
8) The lime green scarf clashed with her boots.
9) I was no McEnroe, but my balls were so on the line that I could see the dust flying.
10) "Triangulation complete sir, we have a lock", but the maths teacher was not amused.
Just make sure that we are mentioned in the acknowledgements.
If you are a writer, and need to start a new book or chapter you might struggle. Sometimes, the words and ideas just won't flow. This phenomenon is called writers block.
Here are a few opening sentences that you can use to get you started:
1) His trousers left little to the imagination as you could clearly see his legs.
2) "I'm beginning to see a pattern here and it isn't tartan" said super sleuth Sam Sputnick.
3) The bumpy curvy thing in the mirror was called Dorothy.
4) As he sat in his fine Milan leather armchair, with the standing lamp illumunating his cap, he began to ponder.
5) His invisible freind was taunting him about his need for a haircut.
6) The girl with the squeakiest name put up her hand.
7) I wandered along a deserted beach, the sea laden wind leaving me bereft of my sense of normality.
8) The lime green scarf clashed with her boots.
9) I was no McEnroe, but my balls were so on the line that I could see the dust flying.
10) "Triangulation complete sir, we have a lock", but the maths teacher was not amused.
Just make sure that we are mentioned in the acknowledgements.
Monday, 2 July 2007
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